Sherlock VS Hannibal: Fun With Dialogue Exercises

As a fiction writer, sometimes it's good to flex your creative muscles by taking material from well known characters and mixing it up. It allows you to play with words and use characters that normally wouldn't cross paths. The following is one such dialogue exercise. 

First of all, let me apologize for the length. I definitely got carried away, but I was just having too much fun! This is a conversation between the deadly Dr. Hannibal Lecter, and  super-sleuth, Sherlock Holmes. This is told from Dr.Watson’s point of view:

Holmes took his revolver from the glove box and slipped it in his pocket.  It was clear that he thought that our night's work might be a serious one. As we walked across the street toward the diner we could see the old man through the windows. Doctor Hannibal Lecter. The most notorious criminal in Scotland Yard. He sat in a booth towards the back of the establishment. Coffee cup in one hand, cellphone in the other. 

Holmes scanned the scene, then marched through the entrance and directly toward him. I quickly followed suit.

As we approached I could hear the old man’s smug voice say, “I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner.” He hung-up the phone and waved us over, “Good evening, Holmes! Just like old times.”

Holmes sat down to face the villain. 

I myself prefered to keep my distance, so I stood off to one side.

“Is this coincidence, or are you back on the case? If so, goody-goody.”

Holmes gave me a wink and said, “There is nothing like first-hand evidence.”

Lector took a sip of his coffee. “Remarkable boy. I do admire your courage. Your job is to craft my doom, so I am not sure how well I should wish you. But I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun.”

Holmes pulled out his pipe and began to pack it. "My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own particular profession,—or rather created it, for I am the only one in the world."

The old man gestured with his finger, “Closer, please. Clo-ser…”  Holmes lit the tobacco and took a few puffs before leaning in. All I wanted to do was grab him by the shoulder and pull him back to safety.

“A census taker once tried to test me,” Lector’s eyebrow raised. “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

My stomach churned at the thought.

Holmes just leaned back into the seat. “I never make exceptions. An exception disproves the rule.”

The old man’s gaze turned to me. “I imagine your little brother must smell almost as bad as you do by now.”

I instinctively diverted my stare. No Christian man could look that demon in the eyes. Holmes passed me the menu. “You will get no rise out him, good doctor. You see, Watson knows that emotional qualities are antagonistic to clear reasoning.”

The old man raised his coffee cup to Holmes, as if to concede the point, then turned to me and said, “On a similar note I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife.”

Holmes jolted to his feet, upholstering the weapon and pointing it directly at the Lector. “On the other hand good doctor, I think that there are certain crimes which the law cannot touch, and which therefore, to some extent, justify private revenge." Still aiming the pistol at the old man, Holmes turned to me. “When a doctor does go wrong, he is the first of criminals.  He has the nerve and he has the knowledge.”

My god! Was he going to shoot him?

In all our years working cases together, I never saw Holmes act so brashly.

“I think that you know me well enough, Watson, to understand that I am by no means a nervous man. At the same time, it is stupidity rather than courage to refuse to recognize danger when it is close upon you.”

The old man cupped his coffee with both hands and took another sip. “I have followed with enthusiasm the course of your disgrace and public shaming. My own never bothered me, except for the inconvenience of being incarcerated. But you may lack perspective.” He slowly reached into his pocket and retrieved a sheet of paper. Then he slid it across the table.

He looked up at Holmes and said,“All good things to those who wait.”

Holmes gestured for me to get the paper. When I opened it, I was completely perplexed. In the middle of the page was an intricate drawing of a butterfly. There was only one sentence: People will say we were in love.

Holmes looked over my shoulder to inspect the artifact and then turned to me with a smirk. “The game is afoot,” he said through his pipe. Then he grabbed my arm and rushed me out of the restaurant.

Had he been shooting-up on morphine again?

I looked back at the old man, still trying to process the transaction that just occurred. Before I could even say a word, Holmes laughed and said, “Don't you see old chap? The butterfly. But of course! Why, it’s elementary my dear Watson.”

Through all the trials and tribulations we ever endeavored, I will never forget that one night. To this day, I still have no idea what butterfly represented or where Lecter disappeared to. It is the one mystery Holmes never felt compelled to explain.

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So are there any other dialogue match ups you'd like to see? I was thinking Vader versus Bane.